Sunday night Todd and I went on a pretty extensive walk for some fresh air, though the air was muggy and weighed heavily in our lungs. We had productive conversation like the phrase I stumbled upon and now hold the trademark for: "Hey bro, check out this boner I'm working with." You're supposed to say it when you happen to have a massive boner and want to show it to one of your guy friends... We're smArt, primarily I'm smArt.
Monday I wake to Mike Garro strolling into my house, then my bedroom while I'm still in bed, at 2pm. I hadn't seen him in a while. He's always getting high. Always. I noticed and asked him where his usual G'd out accent was, and he told me he wasn't listening to much rap anymore, therefore dissipating the lingo almost completely. It was a little refreshing. He then came to the reason he showed up. He was hired in at the superWal-Mart in Brimfield, pending a drug test which he was going to pass. He wanted my pristine piss. It took some thinking but I agreed. Since it wasn't for like a legal reason, I didn't think it'd be a big deal.
The clinic he was taking the urine test was in Akron. I didn't even have to go, so we stopped at a near-by gas station so I could grab a drink to hurry along the liquid digestion process. It was a BP where I bought an energy drink that tasted a lot like Redbull called Blue Streak. I also bought a couple cookies. Instead of having to go back into BP after I had to piss, we went across the intersection to Circle K. I felt one coming on, he handed me a snap-seal graduated cylinder of two ounces and I headed inside for the public restroom. I topped the thing off, and the rest went into the toilet. I didn't spill a drop, you'd think I had done this before but I haven't. I came outside, handed him the piss. He then went inside to the bathroom with a small roll of a half-inch masking take and tapped the cylinder between his legs. We ended up having to wait quite a long time in the clinic but I guess he passed and should start his job in a matter of days. I'm even best friends to people I see almost never.
While we were waiting on Mike's name to be called at the clinic, I stepped outside to call Serpentini Chevrolet to make an appointment to go there and see what I could learn about buying a car. The journey proved fruitless, as Todd and I expected really. But I wanted the experience of being in the negotiating-type of setting. The boldness of some of these people; car salesmen and dealership owners. It's sad to see what human beings do for a penny. Our salesman showed me a Dodge Stratus. I test drove it and it wasn't bad, but beyond what Todd thinks I should pay, when I could get something just as decent at a smaller dealership; one with less of a commercial image. The salesman introduced us to this female financier who seemed, at first, as though she was trying to help. But at that point I just wanted to leave, because she was trying to say that the dealership wasn't just trying to get money out of me, but she was trying to help me build my credit (for future business for that dealership pretty much). She said, and I'm paraphrasing very little, "We're not selling you a car, we're selling you hope." It wasn't long after that that we were out. My colon only holds so much steam, and she broke the pressure valve with that one.
The rest of the day I've been in a depressed fog, I don't know when I'll be able to get a car. I got really tired and took a three hour nap, now I'm about to go for a walk.
1 comment:
You're supposed to say it when you happen to have a massive boner and want to show it to one of your guy friends.
hahahah
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