The Nothing-to-Lose Mentality

I don't know what freaks me out more: Feeling like I've got nothing to lose, or knowing that it would only take the loss of solely one thing to put me in that mindset.

And can you imagine how divided a nothing-to-lose mentality could make your mind? That shit could inspire some really great things.

Hypothetical things come to mind like: Say some bitch is giving you the eye, you've got nothing-to-lose so you're about to holler. If she's not feeling it, who cares? You started off with nothing so it's not like you're going in debt with things to lose if she's not into you. You're still at zero and it could be a good thing. I'm not saying that that would ever happen to me. Bitches love me. I just rattled it off. That's not the only situation that comes to mind, but it's just like variables and constants in the equation. That feeling of nothing-to-lose could drive you into some real sweet shit.

But it could also put you in a position where the fact that you have nothing-to-lose can alter your thoughts, causing them to spring out to meaningless tangents in turn causing your actions in the same direction.

Hypothetically (and more likely): Your mind reverts time and time again back to what it was you lost, the one thing that brought you to have nothing-to-lose. It could become a mental version of a dungeon. You're now a prisoner of what it was you lost. All you want is an escape. It's possible you'll find that with each sip of alcohol is like a metal file that signifies one chip away around the base of the bars. You feel like you're getting closer, closer to freedom of the constant torture.

It's that type of outcome that freaks me out the most because the metal file is actually rubber, it's not chipping anything away. If anything, that situation just brings the whips to your back even more often. You'll wake up from a nasty slumber and all the progress you thought you made rebuilds itself and you're back where you started.

It's all in how we want to perceive it. Maybe we'll have some bad days in our cell, but maybe some sweet ones will come along that inspired to just say, "fuck it" and take some risks that would benefit us.

In lighter, less-existential news the Indians beat the Mariners last night in the twelfth inning, 4-3. Ted didn't end up showing up. He said he had school in the morning but I'm not really sure why he'd make the plans if he wasn't going to be able to stay up and drink a little bit.